Empty Nest, Full Next
Parent well, and you'll work yourself out of a job. Then what?
Ruthie Gray, author of Empty Nest Awakening: Weaving the Threads of Your Passions into Purpose speaks hope and wisdom into moms of every season in the first part of our conversation. Among other points, we discuss:
*misconceptions younger moms can have about the "empty nest" years
*the grief that can accompany children growing up
*the vital importance of moving from connections to community
*practical steps to discover, or rediscover, your passions
*moving forward with purpose
Visit Ruthie's website at: https://authenticonlinemarketing.com/
Visit Stephanie Presents for resources, to book speaking engagements, and get the weekly newsletter, Hi(Impact)!
Click here to order your copy of The Great Brain Remodel of Adolescence or purchase from Amazon
#spirituallystrong
#emotionallyhealthy
#relationships
#lifeskey3
#smartrelationships
#parenting
#raisinggodlykids
#raisingadults
#bible
#faith
#truth
#biblestudy
#christianfaith
#christianwomen
#christianity
#emptynest
Transcript
If your desire is to become spiritually stronger, emotionally healthier, and relationally smarter, you're at the right place.
Speaker A:Speaker and writer Stephanie Smith inspires and equips you to achieve these three key aims.
Speaker A:If you're a parent, you also learn how to raise empowered kids ready for adulthood.
Speaker A:Let's get started.
Speaker B:Welcome to the Liveski 3 podcast.
Speaker B:Whether you are a first time listener or a longtime audience member, you for being here, if you haven't already, would you take about 30 seconds and leave a rating and review?
Speaker B:Not only does that help me to know what is resonating with listeners, but more importantly, it also helps other people to find this podcast and to know it's worth their time.
Speaker B:I am excited to talk with Ruthie Gray today.
Speaker B:This is going to be the first part of our conversation.
Speaker B:Ruthie is an author.
Speaker B:She is also an entrepreneur and she equips other women entrepreneurs in the empty nest season of their life.
Speaker B:Now, if you are not yet in the empty nest season of life, or maybe you are and you're like, I'm not an entrepreneur.
Speaker B:I don't have any interest in being an entrepreneur, don't tune out.
Speaker B:Because what Ruthie is going to share with us today applies to all moms, whatever season and stage of life that you are currently in.
Speaker B:Ruthie is the author of the book Empty Nest Awakening Weaving the threads of your passion into purpose.
Speaker B:You can connect with Ruthie and you can also order her book@authenticonline marketing.com and we will of course, as always have links to that website in the show notes.
Speaker B:And while you are online learning more about Ruthie and ordering that book, hop on over also to my website, stephanie presents.com Sign up there for the weekly newsletter High Impact, which is designed to help you grow your immeasurable, eternal and irreplaceable impact.
Speaker B:And also I invite you to book me to speak.
Speaker B:I speak for women's events and also for parents and youth and so you can find out all about that on the website.
Speaker B:All right, without any further ado, let's jump in and start with the first part of my conversation with Ruthie Gray.
Speaker C:If you are overwhelmed right now with diapers and dishes and wondering if you are ever going to see the light of day again where you're not dealing with fit or dirty diapers or all that kind of thing, I want you.
Speaker D:To not just think, oh well, this.
Speaker C:This episode doesn't apply to me.
Speaker C:It does for two reasons.
Speaker C:One is because the mindset that you have as you are raising your kids doesn't magically transform the minute that they finally leave the house.
Speaker C:You will carry that with you, for better or worse, into your empty nest years.
Speaker C:And secondly, Ruthie has a lot to say and in her book, and also I know in this episode that you can begin to not just think about, but you can even begin to apply in your own life.
Speaker C:Now, all of that might not be applicable to you, but mindset, I really want to emphasize the importance of preparation and the mindset that we cultivate.
Speaker C:Ruthie, thank you so much.
Speaker C:Welcome to, to the podcast today.
Speaker B:Delighted to have you.
Speaker E:Thanks for having me.
Speaker E:And I love to talk about this topic.
Speaker E:So let's go.
Speaker C:Well, you've got, you've got a great book there.
Speaker C:So you are an online marketing.
Speaker D:First of all, I have to say.
Speaker C:As an empty nester, you are the parent of four grown kids and so three girls and, and a son.
Speaker D:So you have walked this, this journey.
Speaker D:And so you're, you're writing from experience.
Speaker D:So tell us, so you're an online marketing coach and tell us a little bit about what that looks like.
Speaker D:But what inspired you to write a book for empty nesters?
Speaker E:Well, that is who I attract.
Speaker E:I largely teach how to get your message out.
Speaker E:I work with a lot of Christian creatives, women entrepreneurs who are trying to build a platform on social media.
Speaker E:A lot of them on Instagram also build an email list and just build a community surrounding their topic.
Speaker E:And so when I started doing this, I realized that's who I was attracting were the people like me, the women who didn't understand.
Speaker E:Not that they didn't understand, but Instagram is a whole beast in and of itself.
Speaker E:And you can't just hop on there if you are our age and just get everything because we weren't raised in the technology age with an iPhone in our hands.
Speaker E:So that's who I was getting.
Speaker E:And it was interesting because I started out as a mom mentor, which I had been for years in real life.
Speaker E:And that's what my blog was and it's still there.
Speaker E:RUTHIE Gray MOM Mentoring Moms to Capture Joy in Parenting and, and so I thought, well, as I make this pivot into online marketing, that's who I'll attract.
Speaker E:And that wasn't the case.
Speaker E:So as I was working with and coaching these women and, and mentoring them in my communities, I just realized that there were a lot of issues that we shared that were the same and in our stage of life.
Speaker E:And that's what led me to write the book.
Speaker D:Well, I love that you are addressing this.
Speaker D:I read an article recently from a.
Speaker D:Well, I think it was in the Atlantic, actually, who talked about being an older woman and feeling invisible in.
Speaker D:In the world.
Speaker D:And, you know, once those parenting, you know, years are kind of behind you as far as kids being at home.
Speaker D:So this is a tremendous need.
Speaker D:And being in that stage myself, I have seen a lot of people make that transition, and some very well, and for some, it has been incredibly hard.
Speaker D:I just want to clarify that your book is not just for emptiness.
Speaker D:Moms who are trying to start a business and, you know, an online platform.
Speaker D:There's value in this for.
Speaker D:For everyone.
Speaker D:So what do you think?
Speaker D:Moms who are listening, who are still at home and right now might be thinking, empty nest.
Speaker D:That sounds divine, you know, or others who are dreading it, you know, and maybe very close to that and maybe very afraid of what's coming.
Speaker D:What do you think younger moms misunderstand the most about empty nesting?
Speaker E:It's funny.
Speaker E:I was just recording a new podcast episode on my podcast about that very thing when I was younger.
Speaker E:I just thought that you got to do whatever you wanted.
Speaker E:And I thought, well, you know, that sounds pretty good.
Speaker E:I couldn't see myself without my kids, though, because I really, really loved being a mom.
Speaker E:Especially the older they got and the more independent they were, everybody could feed and watch themselves, you know, and all of that, they became really fun.
Speaker E:But I think that.
Speaker E:I think younger moms, I mean, they're in a hard season, a whole different hard season.
Speaker E:They are not negating that at all.
Speaker E:I will never forget what it's like to be a young mom.
Speaker E:I will never forget that.
Speaker E:But I think the perception is that you have all kinds of time because you don't take care of little kids anymore.
Speaker E:But that couldn't be further from the truth, because by the time your kids have left home, you are now a caregiver for your parents or your husband's parents, or you're close to it.
Speaker E:You also have grandkids rising on the scene that you want to spend time with and pour into.
Speaker E:And then there's also.
Speaker E:You want to be close.
Speaker E:You want to help continue to cultivate the relationship between yourself and your adult kids.
Speaker E:And so you're actually busier.
Speaker E:Not busier, but it's a different busy, because no one is under your roof anymore.
Speaker E:Everyone's under other roofs.
Speaker E:And so then you just, like, run around a lot to everyone else's place.
Speaker D:I can totally relate to that.
Speaker D:So I have five grandsons, four are married and several grandchildren, and they live in one One lives here in the area, but the others all live anywhere from 2 hours to 14 hour drive away.
Speaker D:And so even if you're hopping on a plane or whatever and just making those rounds and trying to connect up with each one just at any kind of time, I mean it's, it's can turn into a full time job.
Speaker D:You know, one of the things also that can happen, and this is something that sometimes younger moms don't think about and sometimes economic issues come in and people can think, oh, I'm going to get to this empty nest years.
Speaker D:And the reality is for a number of different reasons, somebody then finds themselves in a position where they are needing to maybe go back into the workforce or to have a business.
Speaker D:And it's not just because I want to do this, it's because I need to do this for our families.
Speaker D:And so that perception, I think is very important and it's important to prepare for.
Speaker D:And it's also important to understand that when you're a younger mom looking at a mom who's not in the throes of kids still in the house, to not make that assumption, oh, she's got all this free time, you know, and, and so, you know, why isn't she helping me out?
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker E:There can be that mentality.
Speaker E:I remember having the same thoughts about when I was a young parent, why can't my mom, you know, do this or that.
Speaker E:But now that I'm there, I realize why I can't be there always.
Speaker E:And it's also, it's a, also a mental health kind of protection thing because we are multi generational caregivers and when you are caregiving, especially for elderly, you need to be able to do it well.
Speaker E:And sometimes you, you just have to create boundaries there.
Speaker E:You can't always be available and to cultivate some time for yourself, to tap into your creative energies and just things that bring you joy.
Speaker D:Yeah, yeah, I appreciate, you know, you saying that, you know, so one of the things that you've done in your own empty nest years is coming to this place.
Speaker D:And, and you write about this in your book about your, your interest in writing and how that was sparked within you and then it's kind of put on the shelf and then you pull it off and you do something with that.
Speaker D:And so I'm delighted that you move forward.
Speaker D:You made a lot of choices.
Speaker D:Books don't just pop into somebody's head one day.
Speaker D:You made a lot of choices to do that work and to write this book.
Speaker D:Empty, Empty Nest Awakening.
Speaker D:So your book's tagline is weaving the threads of your passions into purpose.
Speaker D:And so how did you discover what you wanted to do in this stage of life?
Speaker D:And I'm going to make another question to go along with that.
Speaker D:This has been my experience.
Speaker D:I don't know if it's yours, but I think that there are structures that are built into life, more or less, when you're younger that are external, where it's not that your decisions are being made for you, but the structure of life is giving you a certain momentum.
Speaker D:You have a child there comes with that a natural progression of things that you need to do to show up to raise that child.
Speaker D:And what I have found is once your kids are grown and you step into this season of life, those outside structures are kind of gone.
Speaker D:And it becomes much more about your internal motivation that you have to find and propels you because you don't have as much external things just automatically kind of propelling you forward.
Speaker D:So how did you navigate that?
Speaker D:And not just feeling like, I don't know what I'm going to do and doing nothing, or just getting lost in your kids and your grandkids in an unhealthy way, or being consumed by taking care of an elderly parent.
Speaker D:But you had those boundaries and you pursued your passions during this.
Speaker D:This life stage as well.
Speaker E:Well, you described that very well, because it's like you are in the mode.
Speaker E:You've done this same thing for 20 to 30 years while you've been raising your kids.
Speaker E:You had a rhythm, and all of a sudden the rhythm has been thrown off kilter.
Speaker E:For me, it completely threw me on my head, and I did not expect that at all because I was cheering my kids on at every new level of independence.
Speaker E:I was excited for them to go to college, and I had the best time in college, and I knew they would, too.
Speaker E:And I always loved seeing their unique skills develop and see what I was going to do with it next.
Speaker E:And so it wasn't that I was unhappy for me that they were leaving.
Speaker E:I was excited for them.
Speaker E:But then I was lost.
Speaker E:Like, just completely lost.
Speaker E:And that's when I realized I started mourning for what was the era was over.
Speaker E:I had worked myself out of a job.
Speaker E:I succeeded at my biggest life goal, and that was it.
Speaker E:Like, that was my life goal.
Speaker E:And so I didn't know what to do.
Speaker E:I found myself.
Speaker E:I was always busy.
Speaker E:I was always one of these people that was a multitasker.
Speaker E:Like, if we were watching tv, then I was, like, doing needlepoint or crossword or I was doing something and I found myself just sitting and staring at the TV and watching football with my husband.
Speaker E:I was like, who am I?
Speaker E:What is this?
Speaker E:What is life?
Speaker E:I would stare out windows and just ponder the meaning of life.
Speaker E:What am I doing?
Speaker E:I was lost.
Speaker E:And the, the, the thing that helped me, and I really encourage moms to do this if you're there or if you're have experienced a hiccup, no matter your life stage, you don't know what to do next.
Speaker E:I started journaling and that tactile exercise of writing it out, because sometimes you don't know what's in your mind until you see it on paper.
Speaker E:And sometimes you figure it out if you keep on writing.
Speaker E:And it seems counterintuitive.
Speaker E:It seems like, I don't have time for this because I don't know what to do.
Speaker E:But you actually don't have time not to.
Speaker E:Or even if you are more of a digital note taker, you could do it that way too.
Speaker E:There's just something about that, that physical act of writing, and that's how I figured it out.
Speaker D:I love that you share that, because I don't know all the details of the brain science, but I do know that the way that our brain processes thoughts and makes connections is different when we engage in that physical act of writing than if we are just thinking about it in our own head.
Speaker D:It's like once it's in our head, it just keeps going round and round on a loop.
Speaker D:But somehow when we take that and we put it in writing, then it's like our brain's able to go, oh, okay, now, now you've given me some structure here that I can work with and make some connections with.
Speaker D:So you, you have, in your book, you have exercises that people can walk through to be able to lead them.
Speaker D:Not just say, well, just go, start journaling, but you give them some specific steps of how they can begin that process in.
Speaker D:In the book.
Speaker D:And I love that that you put that.
Speaker D:One of the things that you wrote about, and you know, you have one of these as your mantras in your podcast, and you also have this in your, in your book, is that community grows opportunity.
Speaker D:And so how do you think this applies to empty nesters?
Speaker D:You know, just how.
Speaker D:How have you found that.
Speaker E:We weren't meant to be an island like me standing staring out the window.
Speaker E:That wasn't doing anyone any good, although it was processing grief.
Speaker E:And I do think there's a space for that.
Speaker E:But as I climbed out of the pit, I realized that I needed others.
Speaker E:And as I started building my websites and, and tapping into my new life and my passion, which was writing and I knew that I just needed, I needed to journal to trigger that thought.
Speaker E:I realized that I needed help because I didn't know how to do it.
Speaker E:And the Lord led me to online communities more than in person at that.
Speaker E:I'm a digital marketer, so that's kind of how it happens.
Speaker E:And I realized that we're better together.
Speaker E:It's an iron sharpening iron thing.
Speaker E:And especially in this second half of my career where I am mentoring women, they've caught the vision too.
Speaker E:Like I just recently had a retreat here in Florida before all the hurricanes hit.
Speaker E:We had 11 attendees.
Speaker E:Empty Nest entrepreneurs who each needed.
Speaker E:Our minds are filled with our families, but our passion as well.
Speaker E:And we each, you know, they came for coaching but also for community.
Speaker E:Like each person had a different take on the person in the hot seats problem.
Speaker E:And let's, why don't you try this or this.
Speaker E:We're all coming from different backgrounds and we all have different skills and so that's why the community aspect is so important.
Speaker E:You may think you may not want to be doing online anything, but if you're trying to find your passion or tap into an old one, you know, kind of list some of the things that you would be interested in or you used to be interested in and then pursue that.
Speaker E:Find a community that does that.
Speaker E:Maybe, maybe it's biking or maybe it's training for a marathon.
Speaker E:Maybe it's knitting.
Speaker E:Start a knitting club or a reading club if you can tap into community.
Speaker E:I mean that's what scripture is all about is God loves his people and he wants his people to love each other too and to help each other.
Speaker D:You know, I love that you're talking about this.
Speaker D:And also the point that you made is that this, this isn't just about how do we move from being full time moms at home with raising kids to business entrepreneurs.
Speaker D:This is about what's our purpose going to be in this stage of life.
Speaker D:Because it's going to last hopefully for decades.
Speaker D:It's not just a few years.
Speaker D:Usually whether that purpose is going to be volunteering or serving or it is going to be entrepreneurship, you still need to have a clear purpose or purposes and the community that goes along with that.
Speaker D:I had a friend who pointed this out several years ago and this is one thing.
Speaker D:So if you're, you're a younger mom and you're still in the thick of it, listen to, to, to this.
Speaker D:What my what my friend shared with me, as we're growing up, a lot of times our kids are involved in activities with other families.
Speaker D:They're on sports teams, they might go to the same school, they might be, you might be part of a homeschooling co op together, music recitals together, whatever it is.
Speaker D:But usually you're, you're connected to other moms, to other families through your kids, and relationships can certainly grow through that.
Speaker D:But here's the thing.
Speaker D:What can happen is you can mistake the, the depth of that relationship because you're spending a lot of time with a person.
Speaker D:But what happens when these circumstances are no longer going to bring you together?
Speaker D:And, and I've seen a lot of moms who, all of a sudden, when the circumstances, the activities aren't going to just bring you together, there really wasn't enough of a depth of a relationship that was cultivated beyond that shared interest from your kids to maintain that really.
Speaker D:And that doesn't mean they all fall.
Speaker B:Apart and they all, you know, hate you.
Speaker D:They can still be, but they become more acquaintances.
Speaker D:And so it's incredibly important to be intentional, to cultivate relationships that aren't just connected via, via your kids.
Speaker B:We're going to pause here and we will wrap this up with the rest of my conversation with Ruthie next week.
Speaker B:You know, there were a couple of things that Ruthie said that really spoke to me.
Speaker B:One of those was sometimes you don't know what's in your mind until you see it on paper.
Speaker B:And oh, how I have found that to be true.
Speaker B:And whether you are someone who prefers digital and you'd rather type things out, or you want to have a pen or paper, or, I don't know, markers, colored pencils, crayons, whatever works for you.
Speaker B:You know, there's something about that process of getting our ideas out onto where we can see them through our eyes and they're not just rumbling around in our heads.
Speaker B:That really does have a way of revealing to us things that we just don't understand, we don't grasp, we don't recognize until it's on paper or until it's on our screen.
Speaker B:And I encourage you, wherever you are, in whatever season of life, whether there is a struggle and a situation that you're dealing with, or maybe you have a dream, you have some ideas, you, you have some goals, you have some visions, get it on to paper, get it onto the screen.
Speaker B:Because in that process, there's going to be some clarity that comes to you that just won't come come otherwise, you know, Something else that Ruthie shared with us today was the statement, community grows opportunity.
Speaker B:And that is also true.
Speaker B:You know, it has been said that we live in a very connected world and yet at the same time a very lonely one.
Speaker B:And it seems like intuitively that we would think that the more connected we are, the less lonely we are.
Speaker B:But it's turning out to be just the opposite.
Speaker B:Because just because we have some sort of connection with someone is not the same thing as having a relationship with a person.
Speaker B:You know, proximity, whether it's digitally or whether it's even physically, does not automatically create intimacy.
Speaker B:And Ruthie has spoken to us about the importance of being intentional to develop relationships in our lives and connections that are built on and create real community.
Speaker B:And as I said earlier in the opening of today's podcast, Ruthie also has retreats that she offers.
Speaker B:And with her book, I encourage you to get that as well.
Speaker B:Because all of us have passions that we want to do something with that we are called to use and to have a purpose for those.
Speaker B:And Ruthie is really good at being able to help women, especially those who are in those empty nest season of life, to do something powerful with those.
Speaker B:All right, my friend, join us next week as we continue with this conversation.
Speaker B:You're going to have more encouragement, more inspiration, and again, if you haven't already, hop on over to the website Stephanie presents dot com.
Speaker B:Sign up there for the weekly newsletter High Impact, as I want to see you truly grow and fulfill your immeasurable, eternal and irreplaceable impact.
Speaker B:I'll see you next week.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening.
Speaker A:Visit the website stephaniepresents.com and sign up for High Impact to join the mission of building spiritually strong, emotionally healthy and relationally smart women and families.
Speaker A:You can also book Stephanie to speak at your event and check out additional resources.
Speaker A:Together we can invite and equip generations to engage fully in God's grand story.
